Phoenix CSC : Tosser of the Week

tosser, noun
1. a slang reference to a masturbator. (See Dougal, Stuart)
2. an idiot or moron. (Dougal sent Thompson off. What a tosser!)


	Kenny Miller at Celtic could not score in a whore house with £100 notes glued to his body, but his career at Rangers was a different story.

When	Who	Where	What
2008-08-31	Kenny Miller	Celtic Park	Kenny Miller at Celtic could not score in a whore house with £100 notes glued to his body, but his career at Rangers was a different story.
2008-05-10	Mike McCurry	Ipox	Mike McCurry made some rather bizarre decisions in the Orcs favor, jobbing Dundee United out of a UEFA Cup spot, and costing Celtic £10 million.
2008-04-13	Glasgow Sunday Herald	Gutter	Glasgow Sunday Herald, gutter rag, which thinks religious slurs are funny: "some fans would probably rather have a bead-rattling Hoopy the Huddle Hound in the dug-out".
2007-11-06	Augustin Binya	Celtic Park	Augustin Binya, for attempting to sever the leg of Scott Brown.
2007-03-03	Steve Conroy "Referee"	Celtic Park	Steve Conroy, who lists his weakness as "unforgiving" (really!), is a doctor, a profession that was much in need after some of the horrendus Hunfermline challenges he let go with only a "stern talking to".
2007-02-27	Michel Platini	UEFA	UEFA excused Rangers supporters Nazi salutes in Israel, despite all evidence to the contrary, and despite those same Orcs repeated transgressions of fair play, violence and just plain decency. "Red hand" my red arse. As UEFA Gruppenfuhrer, Michel Platini bears responsbility for that decision.
2007-02-20	Alberto Gilardino	Celtic Park	Alberto Gilardino's outrageous dive earned him a caution. (And a 9.5 from the Russian judge.)
2007-02-14	Orcs	Tel Aviv	In Israel -- of all places! -- Rangers supporters had the gall to make Nazi salutes. We're surprised the IDF or Mossad did not put a boot in.
2007-01-28	Mad Vlad Romanov	Heart of Mad-Lithuania	"Players sold themselves for the striped shirts they were promised." Asked if he was referring to Celtic, "To prison uniforms." F**k off.
2006-11-26	Mike McCurry	Easter Road	Making his second appearance this year: A head butt is a red card, not a caution.
2006-11-13	Mad Vlad Romanov	Heart of Mad-Lithuania	Bodies up to his knees: Seven managers in 21 months. (Interim manager replaced by interim manager.) Eight-year captain out, etc.
2006-09-16	Mike McCurry & Assistants	Celtic Park	Hunfermline would have had to pull out machine guns and riddle the Hoops with bullets to draw a card.
2006-08-06	Julien Brellier	Swinecastle	Hearts ballerina dove and hacked with equal abandon. (Plus he bears a disturbing resemblance to that banjo kid from "Deliverance".)
2006-07-24	Army Medical Directorate	Surrey	Still trying to outlaw the bagpipe after 260 years.
2006-04-30	Rudi Skacel	Swinecastle	Serial spitter should shoot the ball as accurately as he hacks loogies.
2006-03-22	Vladimir Romanov	Hearts boardroom	Fired Graham Rix after only five months. The convicted sex offender was the only man desperate enough to accept the poisoned chalice. Who next, Peter Sutcliffe?
2006-03-07	Orcs	Villareal	Rangers supporters attacked the Villareal team bus prior to being humped out of Europe. Dignity, indeed.
2006-02-25	Real Zaragoza Supporters	Estadio La Romareda	Real Zaragoza supporters made monkey chants at Samuel Eto'o ... two years in a row. The club did nothing. UEFA did nothing. (Unless you count a few hundred euro fine.) FIFA did nothing.
2006-02-12	Sotirios Kyrgiakos	Mount Doom	The only thing worse than hack, is a diver. The only thing worse than a diver is a diving hack. The Orc drama queen is both, and one ugly f**ker too.
2006-01-28	Mike Ritchie	Paradise Lost	Denied two stonewall penalties and missed an obvious offside.
2005-12-17	Paolo di Canio	Roma, Livorno, Roma	Thrice guilty fascist / former Hoop disgraced the colors
2005-11-19	Steven Thompson	Celtic Park	Bereft of talent, invention or spirit? Foul often; foul hard.
2005-10-26	Vladimir Romanov	Hearts boardroom	Meddling director stuck knife in George Burley's unbeaten back, then hired Graham Rix, because no one else would have it.
2005-09-18	Ivan Sproule	Easter Road	Kick, elbow, head butt. Sproule got a caution. Thompson would have been drawn & quartered.
2005-08-20	Stuart Dougal	Ibrox, of course	Sent Thompson off for what only deserved a caution